Friday, November 20, 2009

Kiss my Grits

I'm watching Entertainment Tonight, a staple in my evening routine. I like ET because it's better than Wheel of Fortune, and I can sort of watch it in a half assed way. But I managed to catch the segment about Oprah making her grand announcement that she will end her show after 2011. Not a big deal, right? It's not like she's dying or anything. After interviewing audience members, they promptly cut to the footage of when they "broke the news" to Matt Damon. Really? I had no idea Matt Damon was so personally invested in the longevity of Oprah's talk show. They continued with footage 'behind the scenes' at the Victoria's Secret show where the models expressed their own feigned feelings about the announcement....... I'm trying to connect the dots, but keep coming up short. It was a weak attempt, even for ET.

So this got me thinking about celebrity and such, and the fact that celebrities probably care as much about what's going with other celebrities as I do about the running back for Tech. Who is the running back for Tech (WHAT is a running back?)? Exactly. Famous people don't really care about other famous people.

Example: I went to visit my parents in October, and was lucky enough to catch a flight from LBK to Dallas to Springfield. On said flight from Dallas to Springfield I had a pleasant surprise. The following is a conversation between my mother and I:

"Okay mom, there's somebody at my gate....but I can't say it so you're gonna have to guess"
" Oh! is it somebody famous!?"
"Is it somebody we know??"
"...a politician!"
"Well *guffaw* I don't know Sarah!"
"I know, that's why you're going to guess! Okay....what's the second letter of my name?"
"Okay, and what's the first letter of my brothers' names?"
"....and a personal pronoun..."
"umm..... I!"
"And my initials..."
long pause..... "Amish? There's AMISH people at your gate?"
"Well no, they're Mennonites or something, but there's like 4 generations of them and they're everywhere and that's just not something you see everyday!"
"Okay, so it's not that big of a deal I just felt like telling someone. But it's nobody we know"
"And it's not a politician"
"No, and it's nobody famous"
"Okay, well.... good talk"
"Okay, I'll see y'all in a little bit"

Not a remarkable conversation (albeit a typical one) between me and my mom, save for the fact that the moment I hung up the phone I looked up and saw Colin Powell walking up to my gate. Seriously?! Right after the above conversation, and Colin Powell is on my flight? NICE. He actually ended up sitting in front of me, which afforded me the luxury of craning my head to: see what his socks looked like, see what he was reading, check the time on his watch, observe his balding patterns, etc.

Once drink service began our lovely (did I say lovely? I meant obnoxious) flight attendant rushed through the front half of the plane so she could greet our famous passenger. She said the usual polite things while she poured his soda and then went into a long winded story about some old Super Bowl champ from the 70s that she had on one of her flights a few weeks prior. Mr. Powell was friendly and obliging, but you could tell he absolutely did not care. And why should he? He didn't even know who the guy was, and then it hit me. Famous people don't care about other famous people you've met. Your friends might, but other famous people don't. This is an important life lesson so take note. Her ear to ear cheese ball grin lasted about 2 nano seconds past Colin's seat, b/c she swiftly glared at me with a "whadya want" stare and a fed up swagger.

"Do you have any coffee" I asked with a pleasant smile.
"NO." she snapped.
"Oh, okay. I'll take a Coca-Cola Classic then"
"A wha?! COKE?" she asked irritably as she poured my glass, and did not extend the courtesy of leaving the can (like she had for CP)

......thanks Flo. Does ET know about you? Next time I'm flying Southwest.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Swingin' Time

It's unseasonably warm both inside and outside. I've been sick this week which has only made me more charming and desirable. Most people like to be taken care of when they're sick. I like to be taken....taken seriously when I say leave me the *beep* alone. There's just something about feeling like junk in the trunk that makes the majority of human contact overwhelming and infuriating. And I wonder why I'm still single. Actually I don't wonder, I know. Because I'm a total bitch. Moving on.... here's some of what's been going on lately:

The fair came to town! Oh yeah, nothing quite like stuffing your face with greasy, deep fried food while simultaneously judging all the poor slobs that are fatter than you.

I bought beer. In Lubbock. At the grocery store....... oh yeah, and a Hershey bar...
We found this lovely gentleman setting up camp on our front porch...

...and swiftly shot it out of it's web with high powered wasp killer. Here's his corpse next to a peanut M&M for scale (he was gigantic).

The blessed Egg Nog hit the shelves on a crisp October day. I maintain that Kroger's is better than Gandy's but a girl will take what she can get.

I went to Vegas for work, and found some time to make some new friends! Stilts Man and I are getting married in the Spring...
...but Toby doesn't know. Shhhhh (also this pic isn't blurry, you're just seeing it through 'Vegas Vision')
Yep, it's been a good Fall. As we roll into Winter I have the peace of mind that comes with losing 5 pounds after the aforementioned sickness. Ahhhhh, sweet sickness.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss