"Kathy, I'm lost," I said, though I knew she was sleeping

Even my dog doesn't like me anymore. She's chewing her raw hides, the very same raw hides I might add that have been sitting neglected around the upstairs for months. She's suddenly interested in them again. Or perhaps she'd rather be doing anything than hanging out with me. We had a great game of Dirty Bitch, which consists of me hiding on the stairs and "goosing" her (as I call her a dirty bitch, and old lady, and stinky butt... and things like that) until she gets scared and gives up. Except she didn't get scared tonight, she just got mad... and then got even. So maybe I used up all my cool points on that because I have now become the pariah of the household.

I spent the day eating and seeing friends. I woke up, ate a small turkey sandwich (of the mapley, peppery persuasion) and chugged a Diet DP. Then I met Sarah T for lunch at Baker Bro's (somewhere neither of us had been before). We had a good 3 hour long chat before she had to head out of dodge. After a peaceful tanning session I rolled my old bones back home, where I decided I should bake some cookies. Chocolate chunk pecan was the winner (paired with some Flamin' Hot Fritos... because if there are FHF anywhere in a 5 mile radius I will hunt them down and introduce them to their maker). Not too long after that I met up with Jacq, Glen and Susie, and Brandon at Caprock Cafe for a cheeseburger in paradise. Now please make a note that I really wasn't that hungry, but Jacq had never been to Caprock and I'm never one to pass up an opportunity for a delectable cheeseburger. Tack on a few beers and I was pushing max cap. Next was Roller Derby, and what Bout is complete without a gigantic beer? I partook. Then of course we topped off the night with an after party at Wookiee's mom's house. I felt the need to finish off the day with some veggies, snack crackers, homemade pico and chips, sweet tea, orange balls and a heaping bowl of grits. I will be full for days. This is like Thanksgiving full, and there's just no coming back from that. Yes it was a good day, filled with good friends, good food and good TV. Even after a day like today I am still unsettled. Sometimes even when love and acceptance wash over you in abundance there are still pieces missing.

Example: I love mint chocolate chip ice cream, but no matter how good that ice cream is, if the chips are missing it's not the same. All the positive things fall away to the sides, because the thing you really wanted isn't there. Today was a missing chip day. And even though there are better chips out there (chips that understand and can appreciate the importance of being the chips in the mint chocolate and respect the mint chocolate and it's feelings) I still miss my chips. Chips got tired of me, just like Emmy..... damn dogs.

"...but you don't even have kids!"

This phrase was recently said to me not once, but twice. Twice negating the value of my time.


When do you wake up in the morning? I wake up around 6:45, allowing me time to eat breakfast, check my email (and by email I mean facebook) and get pretty for the day. 6:45, which was fifteen minutes after the suggested meet time. I don't think so. It was assumed I'd be up for the early morning task, which was met with a big fat "Heck no!" from me.


"But you don't even have kids"


That's right. I also don't have influenza, rickets, a mold infestation or a host of other things that might make it difficult for me to get up and out of the house at such an ungodly hour. I don't have kids, but what does that have to do with anything? If I have children I have a legitimate reason to wake up at 5:30 in the AM, but if I don't have kids I don't have a legitimate reason to not get up at 5:30 in the AM.... As I struggled to wrap my brain around what this meant I couldn't reach any sort of logical conclusion. I can only guess it is because people who have children feel very validated by their ability to reproduce. A validation that supercedes anything I might have going on in my life.

So I've decided I need to fabricate some reasons for the future as to why I will not be able to meet my coworkers 2 hours before the work day begins...

... because my religion forbids me to drive before sunrise...
... because my inner city outreach program requires me to hand out coffee until 7:45...
... because I'll be too busy punching you and your kids in the face...
... because I'm memorizing New Moon word for word, which constitutes at least an hour of heavy reading every morning...
... because my dog ate my homework...
... and your kid...
... and just because it's called a "quick getaway" doesn't mean it doesn't take time to plan...

If you've experienced any sort of discrimination due to the fact that you are not a mother or father feel free to use any or all of these excuses against your critics. After all, the best use of your time is what you decide, and that should be apparent to us all.

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't

Let's talk about Apples.

Apples are great. I really like Apples. Over the years Apples have been seen in many different forms: Pied, Candied, Raw, Rotten. You name it and Apples have probably been there. In an attempt to make the Apple better, it has been paired with several things over the years. Perhaps one of the most significant is Peanut Butter...or so Peanut Butter would like to think.
Different dips have come and gone but peanut butter has always been there. Packed in lunches, presented at gatherings or just quietly enjoyed at home, Peanut Butter has been faithful. Now the history of the Apple is no secret. We've all heard the stories about the Lemon Juice and gossiped about the long term love affair with Caramel. Peanut Butter's heard it all......Peanut Butter doesn't care. Peanut Butter knows there's something different about Apple.

But that's all in the past. Let's fast forward to the now...... Fruit Dip. Yeah, we all know about Fruit Dip. It's creamy and delicious, how could any Apple resist? The coupling of Apple's tart, healthy goodness with the sinful sweetness of cream cheese and marshmallow creme is almost undeniable....... Fruit Dip. Peanut Butter's worst nightmare realized.

Peanut Butter is classic! Peanut butter and Apples go way back. They have history. So maybe Peanut Butter is a little chunkier than the blended mess that is Fruit Dip...... some people prefer Chunky to Smooth. Y'know, it's not like Peanut Butter doesn't have other successful venues to navigate. I mean there's always Jelly. But it's just not the same.......

Peanut Butter has a long shelf life. Let's all hope the Apples figure out what's good for 'em before it's too late.